Mr. Diamond meet Mr. Hansen, Mr Hansen – I believe you already know Mr. Diamond

Since it’s been a slow news day, EVERY news organization on God’s green earth are reporting about how Neil Diamond revealed to the AP wire on Monday the true inspiration for his mega-hit “Sweet Caroline” was none other than Caroline Kennedy.  He went on to tell a heart wrenching tale of how it was written, in an hour, in some hotel in Memphis while he was a “young, broke songwriter” after recalling her picture in a news magazine.  She was “dressed to the nines in her riding gear, next to her pony” and “it was such an innocent, wonderful picture, I immediately felt there was a song in there”.

Mmmmmk.  Now Mr. Diamond finally had the opportunity to tell Ms. Caroline (now Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg because one never loses their maiden name when they’re famous) via satellite for her 50th birthday party.  I’m sure she was flattered, y’know – to be his muse.  Like Alice to Lewis Carroll.

Except if Caroline Kennedy was, by Diamond’s own admission, the inspiration she was only 12 when the song was released. . . probably younger when it was written.

Ever read the lyrics.  “Hand’s touchin’ hands.  Reachin’ Out.  Touchin’ me.  Touchin’ you.”

Now, I’m not trying to accuse anyone of anything here, but isn’t this about the part where Chris Hansen jumps up from behind the couch with a camera crew?

I’m sure this is all miscontrued and I’m reading way too much into things.  It’s a harmless, lovely song right?

All the same. . . someone might mention to Mr. Diamond that Neverland ranch is rumored to be coming onto the market.

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3 Responses to “Mr. Diamond meet Mr. Hansen, Mr Hansen – I believe you already know Mr. Diamond”

  1. tesco says:

    You know, I don’t think you’re reading too much into it, it’s pretty obvious when you break down the lyrics like you did! haha

    I kinda get the same creepy feeling when I hear “More Than A Woman” by the Bee Gees…

    okay, so?

    I kinda dig the Bee Gees….. 😛

  2. RevMortis says:

    Yeah, the more I think about this, the more I think Neil is not so much trying to sate our collective curiousity about the song’s origins as he is making a subliminal confession.

    Again, I’m not saying he’s DONE anything, but I think if you read all of the song’s lyrics in this new context of who it was written about. . .well, I think some ideas are buried in there that perhaps Mr. Diamond needed to let out after all these years.

  3. RevMortis says:

    And I’m intentionally leaving Tesco’s admission of love for the Bee Gee’s alone. Too many disturbing events in such a short timespan to deal with!

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