A Field Guide to Metal Concert Topography Part I

Been meaning to do this for quite some time now. As a veteran concert-goer, I have developed my own vernacular for the layout of a standard concert venue and the way an audience typically congregates – if there really is such a thing as standard or typical in either of these instances. I’m bypassing the basic stuff – the soundboard area, the moshpit (or “pit”), backstage, the freaking MAIN stage. Ok, you know those. But do you know about . . .

The Pit Barrier – This is the group of guys who like being around the pit, but are smart enough not to get bounced into it. They block the more sedate concert folk from the frothing fiends that are knocking the shit out of each other in the pit itself.  My good friend Steve goes here almost every show.  Aside from him, this is a dubious group – some are good guys who don’t want to see anyone get hurt, & some are assholes too chickenshit to actually go in themselves (but not above taking a cheap shot every now & again at someone else).  Two thoughts here – First, if you go into a show with the intention of hurting someone else, you shouldn’t even have come out (you should probably be in jail).   Second, like everything else with concerts, know your surroundings & don’t wander into places you have no business being.

The Drinking Section – I’ve alluded to this in the past.  Anywhere near the soundboard, and sometimes even in the back portions of the floor, where folks are standing around with huge cups of beer – is the Drinking Section.  This is NOT THE PLACE TO DANCE AROUND LIKE A NINNY!  Let that sink in a second – this is NOT the pit.  You wanna mosh?  Get in the pit!  You wanna drink?  Stand your ground!  But do NOT be a wuss & act all tough. . . and then start pushing your buddies around in the Drinking Section.  You might as well put a sign on your back stating “I’m a Dumbass”, because that’s what everyone near you is thinking.  And yes, eventually the badass Biker who’s wearing his own beer will kick your ass!  So save your aerobics for the gym, eh Barbara?

Last one for tonight is the Whore-Us Line – This is a mostly Glam band phenomenon I’m noticing.  These are the tarted up ladies that line-up around the stage, singing EVERY word to EVERY song, in between flashing their boobs and crying like drunken banshees.  Bands love them and male audience members will always attempt to hit on them (failing miserably).   The girls themselves will end their evening one of two ways:  The whole crew ends up backstage due to an invite from some nefarious looking roadie or they end up fighting amongst themselves (which of course, is HOT!).  Word to the wise – if you didn’t come to the venue with them, stay clear.  They will drink too much, and then turn on anything & everything around them.  Avoid their siren’s call.

Ok, enough for one evening.  More wisdom to be dispensed as I feel like it.  🙂

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “A Field Guide to Metal Concert Topography Part I”

  1. Thanks for your marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you may be a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your blog and may come back at some point. I want to encourage one to continue your great job, have a nice day!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Powered by WordPress and MagTheme