Kids Say The Damndest Things

So among the many things that have made my world a little more interesting over the past few days, I had to pick up my new glasses tonight.  Probably the last pair I’ll ever have that aren’t bifocals (or so the Doc told me).  Getting old sucks. 

Not that I was ever a chick magnet, but bifocals are truly the french kiss of death to manliness.  The only cougars that are gonna be hittin’ on me after that fateful day will wear support hose and moo-moo’s, chasing me around the Wal-mart parking lot on their electric scooter carts.  And thanks to Viagra, I might still be able to do something about it if they catch me.  No, I’m not on Viagra BUT I MIGHT AS WELL BE!  I’m gonna have to get bifocals soon!!

Ok, . . . calm. . . breathe.  I don’t have bifocals yet.  One more year.   Maybe technology will advance and the Brad-Pitt-inator will save me.

So while walking out of the optometrist’s office with my twin daughters, I commented that we should go slow on account of the ice and that my depth perception was a little screwy with the new specs.

My youngest, who’s 15 and old enough to know better, quipped “Your Death Perception!?”

“Yes dear” I shot back.  “I’m looking for the Grim Reaper – oh, there he is behind you.”

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